Well, it's been a few days now and I'm still in a haze. When he calls it is so hard to listen to his voice because it hurts so much. I know he is hurting too which I why I didn't initially ask him to stop calling. We were also friends and we both hate to lose that - is it possible to keep the friendship? I know that we won't see each other as often - need to keep the visits/interactions, etc. to a minimum but is it truly possible?

I finally asked him to slow down on the frequency of calls as it just hurts too much. I had not been sleeping well at all, I have trouble getting to sleep and then staying asleep.

Yesterday morning was so weird, something was definitely missing from my routine - of course, his voice!

He didn't call last night - I was a little irritated at myself - I had asked him to not call so much and then I'm hoping that he will call. I don't like going to bed without being able to tell him goodnight.

Birthday Blues

Today is my birthday. Approached the mailbox without thinking. Still moving in a dull haze.

He sent a card with a gift. Knocked me back to see his handwriting on the envelope.

How long does the numbness last?

Last night, I couldn't get to sleep at all.....

Last night, I couldn't get to sleep at all......
Sounds like a sad song from long ago? Well, it is. Feels stupid when a dumb love song matches your feelings.
Had to call in late to work just to get a couple of hours of sleep.
Really bad headache.

How long do you feel numb? I keep thinking I'm too old for this kind of nonsense - but is it nonsense? They are my feelings but at the same time feels like kid stuff, high school.

Didn't help that he called again this afternoon sounding like a sad puppy, about as pathetic as I'm sure I sound right about now.

He called. Wonderful to hear his voice - felt my heart lift but instantly fell again.

As my best friend says: The heart wants what it wants.

Is it possible to move to a friendship?

How to mend a broken heart?

No fool like an old fool. Right?

After almost 12 years I've finally said what I knew I should have said so long ago. It's over. I can't keep doing this.

How does one keep moving forward? You get dressed, go to work...it hurts to smile.

Thoughts of him keep popping into my head.

Remembering smiles, words, his thoughtfulness, how kind he is.